Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Ohio and Our Water War

Ohio can brag about the leaders it has sent into battles; Grant, Sherman, and Sheridan come to mind.

But who will lead Ohio in the up-coming Water Wars?

We have the water and 'they' want it bad. The evil-doers. Insurgents. Those people who 'hate our water.' Remember: water is not free. If we don't fight them there, they will follow us over here!

Wise words, for sure. Remember: we have to protect our interests. We don't want the smoking gun to be a thunder cloud.

We know the enemy and we believe that they have already infiltrated our filtration systems. The state of Alabama has a lengthy history of reckless and sudden aggression. We continue to believe there's overwhelming evidence that there was a connection between al-Qaeda and the Alabama state government. We recently found two mobile biological water facilities which were capable of producing hydroponic agents.

Remember, fellow Ohioans, The battle for water is one victory in a war on terror that began on September the 11, 2001 -- and still goes on. But the risk of doing nothing, the risk of the security of this state being jeopardized at the hands of madmen with weapons of mass dehydration far exceeds the risks of any action we may be forced to take.

Let this embolden us: the State of Ohio, along with a growing coalition of states, is resolved to take whatever action is necessary to defend ourselves and disarm the Alabama regime. September the 11th, 2001, the American people saw what terrorists could do by turning four airplanes into weapons. We will not wait to see what terrorists or terrorist states could do with chemical, biological, radiological or water weapons.

Our spy agents have discovered that Alabama has made several attempts to buy high-strength aluminum tubes used to enrich pipes for a water weapons. The history, the logic, and the facts lead to one conclusion: Alabama's regime is a grave and gathering danger. To suggest otherwise is to hope against the evidence. To assume this regime's good faith is to bet the lives of millions and the peace of Ohio in a reckless gamble. And this is a risk we must not take.

Thus, acting as governor of the state of Ohio, I would like to address my fellow Ohioans:

My fellow citizens, at this hour the Ohio Militia and coalition forces are in the early stages of military operations to disarm Alabama, to free its people and to defend the state from grave danger.

On my orders, coalition militias have begun striking selected targets of military importance to undermine Alabama's ability to wage war. These are opening stages of what will be a broad and concerted campaign.

More than 5 other states are giving crucial support, from the use of naval and air bases, to help with intelligence and logistics, to the deployment of combat units. Every state in this coalition has chosen to bear the duty and share the honor of serving in our common defense.

The enemies you confront will come to know your skill and bravery. The people you liberate will witness the honorable and decent spirit of the Ohio militia.

In this conflict, Ohio faces an enemy who has no regard for conventions of war or rules of morality. The Alabama governor has placed his troops and equipment in civilian areas, attempting to use innocent men, women and children as shields for his own military; a final atrocity against his people.

I want Americans and all the world to know that coalition militias will make every effort to spare innocent civilians from harm. We come to Alabama with respect for its citizens, for their great civilization and for the religious faiths they practice. We have no ambition in Alabama, except to remove a threat and restore control of that state to its own people.

I know that the families of our militia are praying that all those who serve will return safely and soon. For your sacrifice, you have the gratitude and respect of the Ohio people and you can know that our forces will be coming home as soon as their work is done.

Our state enters this conflict reluctantly, yet our purpose is sure. The people of Ohio and our friends and allies will not live at the mercy of an outlaw regime that threatens the peace with weapons of mass hydration.

We will meet that threat now with our militia, so that we do not have to meet it later with armies of firefighters and police and doctors on the streets of our Ohio cities.

Now that conflict has come, the only way to limit its duration is to apply decisive force. And I assure you, this will not be a campaign of half measures and we will accept no outcome but victory.

My fellow Ohioans, the dangers to our state will be overcome. We will pass through this time of peril and carry on the work of peace. We will defend our freedom. We will bring freedom to others. And we will prevail.

May God bless Ohio and all who defend her."

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