Sunday, August 23, 2009

Birthers, Deathers and the Ziegfeld Follies

It's been way-too quiet lately on the loony right. Surely there must be some newly concocted outrage brewing, isn't there? Come on tea-baggers, Palin-punks, Limbaugh-loonies, Beck-boobs Gingrich goons, bitherers and deathers, we're waiting for the next act in your Dopey American drama. You can't have run out of outrages yet- your acting was getting better with each phony scenario. Real tears ran down Glen Beck's face. Sarah Palin almost looked serious with her 'killing grandma' reference. Gingrich needs to tone down his snarkiness and get some voice lessons as well. Fat-man Limbaugh's impersonation of Oliver Hardy could be enhanced with a derby.

Summer's not quite over and all America is looking for the season finale.There ought to be a whole lot more outrages that need to be staged. What about a block-buster combination of everything the goofy right stands for? One of those Ziegfeld Follies final scene when the director threw everything into his final scene...dancers with plumes, glitter, raucous music, platforms, lights, glitter...

I'll bet they could get it together for a Labor Day Spectacular [although most of them don't believe in a day set aside for the peon workers]. A cheap Vaudeville variety show to raise money, like the Jerry Lewis MD Telethon. For charity. Is the phrase, 'right-wing charity' oxymoronical or what! Well, they could raise money for themselves.

With a change of hats, Limbaugh could do either Oliver Hardy or W.C. Fields, babbling away about nothing of any importance.

Glen Beck, in black face, could do Al Jolson singing, 'Is it True What They Say About Dixie?' and close with, 'Waiting for the Robert E. Lee.' His encore would naturally be, 'My Mammy!'

Former Idaho Senator Larry Craig could do a cameo appearance singing, "I'm Just Wild About Harry!'

A duet of Mrs. John Ensign and Mrs. David Vitter would naturally be singing the Gershwin hit of 1928, 'How Long Has This Been Going On?'

Surely Sarah Palin and Newt Gingrich would sing the Showboat classic, 'Make Believe.'

Costumed as some of the Ziegfield Girls, bedecked in plumes from head to toe, would be Betsy "Death Panels"McCaugney, Ann Coulter, Laura Ingraham and, naturally, walking down from the highest step, in the most dazzling display of feathers and sequins, Sarah Palin herself. What a treat! Naturally, she will be singing, "I'm Still Here" from the revival of Sondheim's Follies.

In a tip of the hat to the 2nd Amend-ers, Mrs. Ensign and Mrs. Vitter, joined by Mrs. Mark Sanford, could sing, "We Both Reached for the Gun, with semi-automatics strapped to their waists. At the end of the song, each would empty them on their husbands who are drinking with their prostitutes on stage right. In a bit of comic relief, Larry Craig runs across stage as Mrs. Craig blasts a blunderbuss into his smoldering rear-end.

GOP Party Chairman, Michael Steele, walks on stage in white-face, singing, 'Cellophane Man' from the musical Chicago.

Near the end, walking on stage from both ends, waving and smiling, parade Shawn Hannity, Bill O'Reilly, Michael Savage, Glen Beck [as Beck], Rush Limbaugh, Laura Ingraham, Neal Boortz and G. Gordon Liddy singing that old hit, "There's No Business Like Show Business!"

Of course, the entire cast moves on stage, small flags in both hands, to close with Lee Greenwood's, "God Bless the USA," as an enormous flag unfurls at the back of the stage. There isn't a dry eye in the house.

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