Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Flaming Bag of Dog Shit

I often find a bag of dog shit on my doorstep each morning when I turn on my computer. Those who follow this blog regularly know what I am talking about. There was one this morning. Why 'they' send me one so frequently remains a mystery- I never open it. All of their creative bitterness goes directly to the recycle bin without seeing the light of day. Such a waste of talent and time! But then, who would want to look into a bag of poop on the porch anyway?

Well, as Halloween is just around the corner, I recall several rather minor pranks my friends and I would pull on the nasty old ladies in the neighborhood, the ones who yelled at you if you stepped on their grass. Of course we soaped her windows and then threw corn at them before we ran away. Corn was easy to get in late October, just down the dead-end street for me.

Another creative annoyance someone taught us was the thread spool, string and pencil trick. We would get a large spool of thread and notch it all around the circle. Then, we'd wrap a string around it and shove a pencil into the center. Approaching the target window, we would press the notched spool gently to the glass by holding the pencil ends. Finally, we'd pull the string making a horrible noise on the glass.

However, the most creative trick was saved for the absolutely worst grouch on the block. My best friend had a dog, and for a couple of days before Halloween, he would collect his dog's poop. When the time was right, we emptied it into a paper bag, walked to the target house, ring the doorbell, and quickly lit the bag. Although we ran like hell and never saw the result, we hoped that the victim would stamp out the fire and, well, you know the rest.

Now that the poop ladies know this special prank [because they check this blog 24/7] I might get a REAL surprise tomorrow morning when I sign on!

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